Perfectionistic Paralysis: How Waiting for Perfect Can Keep You In Poverty

 

Perfectionistic Paralysis: When Waiting for Perfect Keeps You Stuck

There is a form of procrastination that doesn’t always look like procrastination.

You may be busy. You may be researching. You may be collecting documents, making lists, taking notes, rewriting your résumé, watching videos, asking questions, or preparing for the day when you are finally ready.

From the outside, it can look like you’re working toward your goal.

But you never actually take the first step.

That is what some call perfectionistic paralysis.

In technology, I’ve often thought of it as project paralysis. A project gets analyzed, redesigned, discussed, documented, reconsidered, and improved so many times that eventually nobody actually does anything.

Sometimes the problem isn’t laziness.

Sometimes the problem is that a person has convinced himself that he cannot begin until everything is perfect.

And perfect never comes.

It Looks Like Procrastination, But It Can Be Something More

Most of us procrastinate occasionally.

There are things we simply don’t want to do. We put off cleaning the garage. We wait until the last minute to do our taxes. We ignore something unpleasant until we can’t ignore it anymore.

Perfectionistic paralysis can look exactly like that, but the thinking behind it is different.

The person may genuinely want to do something.

He may desperately need to do it.

But inside his head there is a conversation going on:

I don’t know enough yet.

I need a little more information.

What if I make a mistake?

What if they ask me something I can’t answer?

I should probably research this a little longer.

I’ll do it when I’m better prepared.

That sounds reasonable.

That is what makes it dangerous.

Research on perfectionism and procrastination has found that fear of failure and excessive concern about mistakes can contribute to putting things off. Not all perfectionism is harmful—high standards can motivate us—but perfectionistic concerns can become a barrier when avoiding a mistake becomes more important than making progress.

At some point, preparation stops being preparation.

It becomes avoidance.

I Watched It Keep a Friend in Poverty

I have a friend who retired from the United States Air Force.

At one point after his military career, he was in deep poverty.

And when I say poverty, I don’t mean that he had to cut back on eating out or cancel his cable bill.

I mean he was literally digging aluminum soda cans out of dumpsters so he could sell them for scrap and put enough money together to buy his next meal.

For years, I urged him to file a VA disability claim.

He had health problems that he believed were related to his military service. But he kept putting the claim off.

He wanted to get everything together first.

He wanted all the medical records.

He wanted documentation.

He wanted to know exactly what he could prove.

He wanted the perfect case.

I kept telling him essentially the same thing:

You do not have to have the perfect case before you get started. If your claim is denied, you can always appeal with new evidence/documentation

There is an important distinction here. A veteran ultimately has to establish entitlement to VA disability compensation. Filing a claim does not guarantee that VA will approve it.

But you do not necessarily need to have every medical record, every doctor's statement, and every piece of supporting evidence sitting on your desk before you begin protecting your potential filing date.

VA even has something called an Intent to File. It allows a veteran who is still gathering information to establish a potential effective date and then generally gives the veteran one year to complete the claim. If benefits are eventually awarded, that effective date can affect the amount of retroactive compensation received.

That date can be extremely important.

In many service-connected disability cases filed more than a year after leaving active duty, the effective date is generally tied to when VA receives the claim or when entitlement arose, whichever is later, although there are exceptions depending on the circumstances. And some service connected medical problems don't even show up until many years after you separate from the military, some even 30-40 years of more later. Or they begin small during service but gradually get much worse over time.

So every month my friend waited potentially mattered.

Six months mattered.

A year mattered.

Several years could matter a lot.

Depending on the eventual disability rating, delaying a successful claim can potentially mean losing thousands—or even tens of thousands—of dollars in benefits that might otherwise have been payable.

And VA disability compensation is generally paid as a tax-free monthly benefit.

Meanwhile, my friend was digging through dumpsters looking for aluminum cans.

Think about that for a minute.

He Thought He Had to Prove Everything Before He Started

This is the part I could never seem to get him past.

He believed he needed to prove his entire case before filing it.

He didn't.

He needed to identify the health problems he reasonably believed were connected to his military service and begin the process. Just make a list, that's all.  And don't let the person helping you fill out the forms talk you out of anything.  Their job is to help you with the forms, not decide if you have a valid claim.  My own case when I filed, he told me I was wasting my time, what he actually meant was that he thought I was wasting HIS time.  I went from 20% to 100% in a year.  If I had listened to him, I would have never gotten more than 20% disability.

The investigation, medical evidence, records, and evaluation could continue from there.

VA may schedule what is called a Compensation and Pension examination—a C&P exam—when it needs additional information to decide a disability claim. Not every veteran needs one, but when VA schedules one, the examiner may review records, ask questions, perform an examination, or order certain additional tests. VA states that tests ordered as part of the claim examination are provided at no cost to the veteran.

That means the first step does not require knowing the final answer.

You don't need to know what percentage you might receive.

You don't need to know exactly what the VA examiner will find.

You don't need to predict the decision.

You need to start.

I don't know whether my friend ever did.

If he didn't, I suspect the reason was the same one that stopped him for years.

His case was never perfect enough in his own mind.

I Almost Missed Something in My Own Claim

I know how easy it is to overlook something because I did it myself.

There was an accident during my military career that I had nearly forgotten about.

I was driving to work when I was rear-ended.

The accident occurred off base.

The person who hit me was another active-duty military member who was also on her way to work.

For years, I didn't think much about it. In fact, I didn't think it would matter because I wasn't physically at work when the accident happened.

I was simply driving to work.

But the circumstances of that accident and the resulting medical condition mattered in my individual case.

The result was a 30% VA disability rating for that single issue.

My point isn't that every veteran who has an automobile accident while commuting is automatically entitled to VA disability compensation. Every case is different.

My point is that I didn't know what mattered until I started asking questions and going through the process.

Had I decided in advance that the accident didn't count, I might never have included it.

I would have made the decision for the VA before the VA ever had the opportunity to make the decision.

That is another form of perfectionistic paralysis.

We convince ourselves that because we don't know enough to guarantee the outcome, there is no reason to begin.

Then I Watched the Same Thing Happen With a Job

Unfortunately, the disability claim wasn't the only time I watched this happen to my friend.

He had been unemployed for more than a year.

He told me he couldn't find a job.

My son was working for a technology company at the time, and the company was trying to fill several positions.

I knew my friend's background.

I knew his experience.

And I knew he was qualified.

The biggest obstacle was simply getting him in front of the right people.

So I asked my son to help him.

My son reviewed his situation, helped prepare him for the interview, worked with him for several weeks, and got his résumé in front of the people involved in hiring.

This wasn't some random online application being dropped into a database with 500 other résumés.

He had an opportunity.

He had someone inside the company helping him.

He had been coached.

He had been prepared.

He had the qualifications.

He basically needed to show up, interview, and give himself a chance to get the job.

Then the day of the interview came.

My friend didn't show up.

Why?

He didn't think he was ready.

He thought he needed more time to prepare.

Seriously?

You had been unemployed for more than a year.

Someone inside the company had helped prepare you for weeks.

You had an interview for a good-paying technology job.

You were qualified.

All you had to do was show up.

But that voice inside his head convinced him that he wasn't ready.

So instead of risking an imperfect interview, he guaranteed himself something much worse:

No interview at all.

The opportunity disappeared.

And he went back to struggling.

Perfectionism Can Feel Like Protection

I think this is why perfectionistic paralysis is so difficult to recognize.

It protects you from something.

If you never submit the application, nobody can reject it.

If you never interview for the job, nobody can tell you that you weren't good enough.

If you never send the manuscript to a publisher, nobody can turn it down.

If you never start the business, the business can't fail.

If you never apply for the benefit, nobody can deny the claim.

If you never begin the project, nobody can criticize the finished product.

You remain safe.

But there is a terrible price for that safety.

Nothing changes.

You can't lose.

But you can't win either.

And sometimes not making a decision is itself the most expensive decision you can make.

My friend was trying so hard to avoid making a mistake that he missed opportunities that could have changed his financial situation.

He didn't fail the interview.

He failed to attend it.

He didn't lose his disability claim.

He may never have given the VA a claim to decide.

Those are completely different things.

Project Paralysis in Technology

I saw versions of this throughout my years working in technology.

Technology people can be especially vulnerable because we're trained to think about what can go wrong.

We troubleshoot.

We analyze risks.

We plan for failures.

We build redundancy.

We test.

We document.

Those are good things.

But there comes a point where another spreadsheet, another meeting, another design document, another risk assessment, or another round of testing adds almost nothing.

The project has to move.

I've seen organizations spend so much time trying to design the perfect solution that the technology changed before they finished designing it.

By the time the perfect system was ready to be implemented, it was already obsolete.

There is a reason the technology world learned to build prototypes, pilot projects, minimum viable products, test environments, and version numbers.

Version 1.0 doesn't have to be Version 10.0.

You start with what works.

Then you improve it.

Life works much the same way.

Stop Asking Whether You're Ready

One of the questions we ask ourselves too often is:

Am I ready?

Sometimes that is the wrong question.

Try asking:

Am I ready enough to take the next step?

Those are very different standards.

You may not be ready to build the entire business.

Are you ready to register the domain name?

You may not be ready to publish your book.

Are you ready to finish Chapter One?

You may not know everything required for a VA disability claim.

Are you ready to start an application or submit an Intent to File?

You may not feel ready for the job.

Are you qualified enough to attend the interview?

You don't have to solve the entire problem today.

You only have to do the next thing.

Break the Problem Into Pieces

When something feels overwhelming, make the first step almost ridiculously small.

Don't write:

File my disability claim.

Write:

Make a list of the medical conditions I think may be related to my military service.

Then:

Start the claim or Intent to File.

Then:

Find my medical records.

Then:

Contact a VSO if I need help.

Don't write:

Find a new career.

Write:

Update the first page of my résumé.

Then:

Apply for one job.

Then another.

Don't write:

Write a book.

Write:

Write 500 words.

Perfection looks at the entire mountain.

Progress looks at the next ten feet.

Learn the Difference Between Preparation and Hiding

There is nothing wrong with preparation.

Preparation is smart.

The trick is recognizing the point where preparation becomes a hiding place.

Ask yourself a few uncomfortable questions:

What information do I actually need before I take the next step?

Am I researching something that will change my decision, or am I researching because I'm afraid to make the decision?

What happens if I act now and I'm only 80% prepared?

Then ask the question people often forget:

What happens if I wait another year?

There is always risk in acting.

But there is also risk in doing nothing.

We tend to calculate the first one and completely ignore the second.

Sometimes "Good Enough" Is Exactly What You Need

I've spent a large part of my life around medicine, the military, computers, networks, corporate technology, and large technical projects.

There are times when perfection matters.

You don't want a surgeon saying, "Close enough."

You don't want the person configuring a critical network firewall guessing at the settings.

You don't want an aircraft mechanic deciding that a bolt is probably tight enough.

But most decisions in life aren't like that.

Sending a résumé isn't surgery.

Attending an interview isn't irreversible.

Starting an application doesn't lock you into every answer forever.

Writing the first chapter doesn't prevent you from rewriting it.

Taking the first step isn't the same thing as taking the final step.

That distinction matters.

Don't Let That Voice Make the Decision for You

I wish I could have convinced my friend of that.

Maybe nobody could.

Because ultimately, the person you have to convince is yourself.

There is always going to be a voice saying:

Wait.

You're not ready.

Learn a little more.

Fix one more thing.

Do a little more research.

Try next month.

Sometimes that voice is wisdom.

But sometimes it's fear wearing a suit and carrying a clipboard.

You have to learn the difference.

I'm not suggesting that people blindly rush into decisions without thinking.

I'm saying something much simpler:

Don't demand certainty before you allow yourself to move.

You probably won't have certainty.

You probably won't have every document.

You probably won't know every answer.

You may make a mistake.

You may even fail.

But failure after trying is different from never giving yourself the opportunity to succeed.

Take the First Step

If you've been sitting on something important because you don't think you're ready, break it down.

Forget the entire project for a minute.

Forget the final result.

Forget perfection.

Ask yourself:

What is the smallest meaningful thing I can do today that moves me forward?

Then do that.

Tomorrow, do the next thing.

I understand that isn't always easy.

Do it for yourself.

If that isn't enough, do it for your family.

But don't live in poverty, stay in a job you hate, abandon a dream, give up a benefit you may have earned, or walk away from an opportunity because you think everything has to be perfect before you take the first step.

My friend had an opportunity to potentially improve his financial situation through VA benefits.

He waited.

He had another opportunity to step into a good-paying technology job.

He didn't show up.

In both cases, the thing standing between him and the next step wasn't necessarily ability.

It wasn't intelligence.

It wasn't qualifications.

It wasn't even opportunity.

It was the belief that he needed to be more prepared before he could begin.

Don't let perfection become the reason your life never changes.

You don't need the perfect plan.

You don't need the perfect information.

You don't need the perfect opportunity.

Sometimes you just need enough information to take the next step.

Take it.